Friday, May 17, 2013

Medical advice from Bertie Wooster

From the opening of Aunts Aren't Gentlemen (1974):
"Jeeves," I said at the breakfast table, "I've got spots on my chest."

"Indeed, sir?"


"Indeed, sir?"

"I don't like them."

"A very understandable prejudice, sir. Might I enquire if they itch?"

"Sort of."

"I would not advocate scratching them."

"I disagree with you. You have to take a firm line with spots. Remember what the poet said."


"The poet Ogden Nash. The poem he wrote defending the practice of scratching. Who was Barbara Frietchie, Jeeves?"

"A lady of some prominence in the American war between the states, sir."

"A woman of strong character? One you could rely on?"

"So I have always understood, sir."

"Well, here's what the poet Nash wrote. 'I'm greatly attached to Barbara Frietchie. I'll bet she scratche when she was itchy.' But I shall not be content with scratching. I shall place myself in the hands of a competent doctor."

"A very prudent decision, sir."
There's nothing so comforting after a busy weekend of work than putting oneself in the hands of a competent gentleman's gentleman.

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